Things to do in London at Christmas 2012
The Funniest Christmas Jokes
by Mr B
I set myself a challenge to write about the funniest Christmas jokes. And there are some absolute crackers (ha ha).
But before I start on the very best, how about a quick selection of those considered to be the very worst? No problem!
"What is Santa's favourite pizza? One that's deep pan, crisp and even."
I can hear you groan, but how do i know this is the worst? Because it was voted so by Nuts magazine. The sad fact is that I actually find it quite funny, and have used it in public on at least 2 occasions. And yes, it received a pitiful smile both times. I would definitely argue that these are far worse:
"Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy"
"Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem."
So that sets us up nicely for the hilarity that is now just one line away… So moving on to five great funnies. In no particular order.
"What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want!"
"What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? Season's Bleatings!"
"What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues."
"What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!"
"Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission."
OK. So I think it would be fair to say that if you're still reading, you may have found those a little funny, but are any of them truly great?
"No!" I hear you say. And I agree.
What's particularly interesting, to at least me, is that nearly all these jokes are the same type. The great 21st Century Oracle (Wikipedia) describes jokes as follows.
"A joke is a phrase or a paragraph with a humorous twist. It can be in many different forms, such as a question or short story. To achieve this end, jokes may employ irony, sarcasm, word play and other devices. Jokes may have a punchline that will end the sentence to make it humorous."
And yet, nearly all these jokes are simple word play. Is that because Christmas is a time for kids, and kids understand wordplay better than sarcasm or irony? Or is it just hard to write a great Christmas funny?
I confess I have really struggled to find any great Christmas jokes. I've asked friends (Facebook is pretty good for this), I've searched the internet, and I even asked our butcher, who turned out to be the least funny person I have ever met.
I'd love to hear a genuinely great, funny joke about Christmas, so if you have one please tell me.
Here's a recent submission thanks to Penny from Canada...
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Centipede
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree
Mr B is a father of two and writes under a pseudonym to avoid embarrassing them.
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